My Reflections - 7.1 Fluency Journal Reflection

       I have personally never had a blog before. I didn't realize that this blog was harder to do than I thought. I think about stuff daily and a lot of it could be a writing topic. When I sit down to write my blog though, I draw a blank. I forget how to articulate my words into something that someone would want to read. I feel like I have to keep the reader’s interest. I have to keep their attention long enough for them to think this has to get better.

     I did write a lot about my son. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn't really get to experience his childhood with him. He did live with me, but I worked a lot to support us. I felt like I didn't get to do a lot with him because I was always exhausted from working too much. I feel like he was cheated out of spending that quality time with me.

     Now we are in a better place and I am doing as much with him as possible. When I write about him I think of our next adventure we can experience. That has to be the best part of this process. Expanding my thought process and giving me the freedom to share my new experiences. Experiences I now know how to express correctly.

     I did enjoy this assignment process. I liked how it was a continuous assignment. I was accountable for a lengthy process for posting my blogs and how in-depth my thought process could get. I do recommend that if you struggle with writing to start a blog. It is writing freedom. You choose the topics. You choose the content. You also get to choose the frequency of your posts. It would have been nice to receive feedback or comments on my blog posts. It would allow me to interact with my audience, if there is one.

Snow Days! - Entry # 14 Lesson 4

     Taking a snow day at work is hard for me. I dread the phone call to tell my boss that I am unable to come into work due to the public schools cancelling. This comes after I took off work due to school being closed on a Friday, the weekend, & then Monday due to President’s Day. Add those 2 snow days on and I have been off of work for almost a full week.

     When I was hired I told my boss that I did not have childcare. If my son were to be sick, have a day off of school, or if there was a snow day then I would not be into the office at all on those days. Well the snow days approached us and I called the boss and heard the disappointment. I hate when I am made to feel guilty for taking time off due to having to care for my child.

     I would definitely take my son to work with me. He loves going to work with me. My boss however does not like children in the office anymore. He is self-sufficient and entertains himself. I know it would be for 4 hours but if they really want me to come to work, that is really my only option right now.

     It is hard to balance having a child and trying to work when you are the sole care giver for them. He has other family members to care for him but if it involves someone having to take off work, I am the one to miss work. I know it is not fair to my employer, however I told them the day I was hired. I just hope that they don’t change their mind about me working there. It is an easy job and only working 4 hours a day allows me to be a full-time student.

My 1st Snowman With My Son - Entry #13 Lesson 4

     I built my first snowman with my son. We put on our thickest sweat pants, hats, & coats. We put our snow boots on and came up with a game plan. We had bought a snowman kit at Target for $4.48. It came with a carrot, hats, and buttons. It also had 3 tubes of dye to make it a very colorful snowman! It definitely made it colorful. The only thing it was missing was arms. There were no twigs for arms.

     I tried to break limbs off of a tree. Apparently I am not that strong. Those limbs were very attached to that tree. The only thing I could find that would work for arms were tongs. Yes, we used kitchen tongs for the arms of our snowman.

     I rarely get to have childhood fun with my son. In that I mean that we do more grown up activities. There are many activities that my son does that I have not done. I have never really rode my own bike. I don’t shoot a bow and arrow. I don’t play sports. My son does all of these. It can be hard to relate to him when I feel like I want to do what he can do.

     When I was a kid, I was watching my 4 younger sisters and never really had a childhood. I always wanted to do the things my friends were doing. They got to ride bikes, roller skate, & play sports. I was stuck inside babysitting. I didn't feel like I was a kid, I felt like a parent.

     I will definitely try to do more activities geared toward my son’s age group. It felt like I was getting my childhood back. It was like I was 9 years old out there building a snowman. I am so glad that we had that opportunity to build that snowman. We laughed so hard and it made me so happy.

My Sunday Son - Post #12 Lesson 4

     I always love every other Sunday afternoon. That is the day of I get my son back from visiting his father. When I open that car door, I get the biggest eyes and smile. My son screams his excitement to see me again after a couple of days.

     I hate the days when he is away, but the look when he sees me again is worth the wait. I love those days because that is when I get the biggest hugs and kisses. He also gets so excited when he tries to cram 3 days’ worth of stories in about 10 minutes. He literally does not breathe when he is talking.

I know I will miss the days when my son gets that excited. I have heard of the dreaded teenage years.      I am not looking forward to that. A long period where the parents are always wrong and not cool anymore. I like it now when my son holds my hand when we walk through a parking lot. When he kisses me on the cheek at night and tells me that he loves me. I will definitely miss these days.

     My boyfriend says I need to let him go so he can go into a young man. I am not too convinced that this is a great idea. A mother never wants to be told that it is time to let her baby grow up. I will let him gradually gain his freedom from me but he can’t do it too fast. He can slowly wean me off from being his overprotective mother.

     Every day I love him more and more. I see myself in him more every day. He makes me so proud to be his mom. I wouldn't change this for anything. Even on those days I might pull my hair out.

Valentine's Date - Entry #11 Lesson 4

     Today, I went to go get a rick of wood. Not a lot of people know what a rick of wood is. According to Google it is “A full cord is a stack of wood 4 feet tall, 8 feet wide and 4 feet deep (128 cubic feet).” I have back, shoulder, and neck problems. I really wanted to help my boyfriend because he had been working 16 hour days and sleeping just a few hours.

     When we pulled up to the gate there were 2 big dogs. I am terrified of any size of dogs. I stayed outside of the gate while my boyfriend tossed the wood over the fence. I envisioned the chunks of wood bouncing up and hitting me in the jaw. Then me losing a few teeth. I always find the downside of everything.

     After we got all the wood loaded onto the trailer, we had to drive all the way back home. Then we had to unload the full trailer of wood. What would anyone need after doing all of that manual labor, a nap? I love naps.

     Then after all that, my boyfriend took me to get macaroons. I was so excited because I had been talking about this for weeks.  The macaroons melted in your mouth. They were truly delightful.

     Now it was time for dinner. We should have made reservations due to everyone was celebrating Valentine’s Day that night. The wait wasn't too long. After all of that, we went home and fell asleep again. Even though we are only in our early 30’s, we act like we are a part of the elderly community.

     Sometimes it isn't what you do together, it is just the fact that you are doing something together. I don’t need flashy dinners or jewelry. I just need the love of the man that I love. That is exactly what I have and I couldn't be happier.

Separation Anxiety - Entry #10 Lesson 4

     I grew up in a big family. I was the second girl of 6 girls. We ranged from age newborn to 10 years old. 6 girls in one house sometimes with one bathroom. Don’t even try to imagine that because it was so much worse than you can imagine.

     My older sister is 362 days older than me. There is less than a year in between us. She is the only sister I still talk to. I talk to her at least once a week. My 9 year old son and her 5 year old son act like brothers when they are together. They have so much fun playing.

     My sister will ask me to do something so I will go out of my way to do it. Then at the last minute, she will change her mind completely. Then I will have to go out of my way to do something else for her. It hasn't just happened once. It happens a lot.

     I have gone out of my way to make arrangements to pick up her son to watch him. At the last minute she will have someone else watch him and my son is left just as confused as I am. Why can’t I pick up her son? Why does she think he is going to get hurt in my care? Her son loves hanging out with me. We have a blast.

     The few, and I mean few, times I have watched my nephew were times when she would call every 20 minutes wanting a status update on him. Has he eaten? Has he peed? Has he been wanting her? Yes, I do feed children. I do allow them to go to the bathroom. No, he has not been wanting you because he is wrapped up in the fun we are having he doesn't miss you.

     I think that is what she is scared of. The fact that he doesn't want, need, or miss her when I am around. I guess it might be separation anxiety. She allows him to still sleep in her bed. At 5 years old, he is still sleeping with his mother. He is going to have separation anxiety also. 

Valentine's Party - Entry #9 Lesson 4

     Today, I celebrated Valentine’s Day with my 9 year old son at his class party. I surprised him with a box of chocolates. We ate a couple and they were not good at all. I hope he knows it is the thought that counts!

     He was so sad the day before because the girl he liked said she had a boyfriend already. He was in tears and claimed that his “life was ruined”. This was his first heartbreak. I tried to comfort him. I told him he was only 9 and there would be other girls that would love to be his boyfriend. Even though at 9 years old, the thought of him having a girlfriend terrifies me.

     We had so much fun at the party. We played many games. He made a monstrous ice cream sundae. Loaded full of chocolate fudge, fruit, and a very large cookie. As soon as I saw his sugar concoction I knew it was trouble. Half way through the sundae, I heard “my belly hurts!”

     He had passed out his valentine cards, gave his teacher her chocolates, and had a few laughs with his friends. I took pictures and watched him grow into a young man. No longer was he the little shy boy that thought that girls had cooties. He was daydreaming of having a girlfriend. Buying a girl a diamond ring. Wanting to marry this girl that wasn't available.

     A part of me thought I was losing my baby boy. I now had a kid that is almost a double digit in age. It seems like I have seen 10 years go by in a short moment. I would do anything to shrink him back to that shy little boy that called me “mommy” and snuggled up to me. I guess I will settle for him talking to me about his girl problems. 

Spring Season of Baseball - Entry #8 Lesson 4

     Baseball season stats on February 18^th, 2015. I am so excited to have it start up again. I love going to a ball game. I always have to get a ballpark hot dog. That may be my favorite thing. On my second date with my boyfriend in 2012, he took me to a Springfield Cardinals Baseball game. We sat up in the Roost section. I was so nervous. I was sweating and trying to look cute making sure I didn't get hit with a foul ball.

     We also went to Teal in the Park. A portion of those ticket sales went to benefit GYNCA. Gynecological Cancers Alliance is an amazing nonprofit organization that helps women surviving gynecological cancers in the Ozarks. The first time we went to this, we were selected to go on the field and play musical chairs. It was fun. Having the crowd cheer us on while we entertained the crowd by falling on our butts.

     It is also nice to go to the really hot games, sit in the shade, and eat frozen lemonade. I also love that they have pizza, cheesesteaks, and ice cream. Being able to still watch the ballgame while getting your food makes the wait in those lines not seem as long.

     I once went to a game where they had hundreds on motorcycles circle the field and honor a soldier. The bikes were all over. Instead of a green field you saw the glare from the chrome in the sun. The sound of the engines roaring to show appreciation for this soldier’s service made you get goose bumps in the heat. I am just waiting for opening day. The start of spring. The Friday night fireworks that leave the air full of sulfur and light. You first hear a boom and then an amazing display of colored lights. Oh I can’t wait until February 18^th, 2015! 

My Son is 9 Going on 30! - Entry #7 Lesson 4

     Tonight, I took my 9 year old son to a roller skate party. It was the first one he has been to this school year. He was so cute acting like a grown man taking his ticket to the skate counter. He gave the man his ticket and grabbed his skates. He seemed like he knew exactly what to do. He laced up his skates and was gliding on the carpeted area. I thought for sure he would stick to the carpet area. I found a seat in the café to do homework and I looked up and he was skating so fast on the hardwood. I was scared for a bit just picturing that he would fall and break something.

     He skated for a little over an hour. Then it was time for a break. I bought him a PowerAde and he drank almost the whole bottle. That skating was wearing him out. He then asked for some money for a snack. I gave him money and he came back with a Hershey bar, a sprite, and a girl! They sat across from me in the booth sharing a chocolate bar. They seemed like they were on a date. My son dating at 9? I think not.

     The kids got back up and went skating again. They went faster and faster. My son was sad when I had to leave. He wanted to spend more time with Jade. Then we went to Walmart and he winked at a little blonde girl. Just a few days ago we were at Walmart and he was trying to buy a faux diamond ring for this girl named Carly. How many other girls are there? I don’t know why he thinks he has to get married this young. I know I am not ready for that! 

Work Life - Entry #6 Lesson 4

     I graduated high school in 2002. I started college in 2004 when I lost my job and the job search looked hopeless. I tried to be a full time student. I worked full time. I couldn't afford to continue to go to school. I also had a job that wouldn't work with my schedule. I ended up getting pregnant when I was 20 and had my son at the age of 21. I became a single parent immediately. There was no way that I could go to school due to working 70-80 hours a week and having a child.

     I felt like I hit the jackpot when I found a job in 2006 for $12 an hour. By 2011, I was making $14 an hour. But I couldn't rise above that pay grade due to my education I couldn't advance. I then lost my job and was unemployed for 5 months. I found a part time job for $12 an hour. I want this degree to make my dreams come true.

     I want to advance in the work field. I also want to expand my business and eventually fully work for myself. Owning your own business but working for someone else confuses people. They don’t think my business is thriving due to working for someone else. I have to explain that we have to shut down for the winter to weatherize. Our business is just to offset competition costs at the moment. We are not ready to quit our jobs and do it full time.

     When we are ready to do it full time, I hope to have a degree and use it to expand the business. It is nice having a business partner that is also your partner. He is with me in love, family, and business. I trust him completely and it would be hard to trust someone I didn't trust in love. I don’t think I could ever be partners with a friend or family member again. Been there, done that!

Know Your Audience Analysis - Assignment 4.4

         I was surprised when I read the Know Your Audience Posts. I assumed that most of the students here were local people. I mean they are local people now. I just thought since I always grew up here, then everyone else did too. It is surprising to find out that Audrey came from Texas. Devon moved here from South Dakota. Vicki moved here from Arizona. Kayla is from Louisiana. Christina is from Virginia. We have quite the diverse group.

     I think that having such a variety of regional cultures will make writing more exciting. I can read their posts and it may be totally different from mine. I only know local culture. They have an advantage with being from a different state.

     It was nice to find out that almost everyone taking this class had the same answer about winning the lottery. It’s refreshing to find out that my fellow students have compassion for those around them. They wanted to pay off their family’s debt. Buy them houses. Take their families on vacations. Best of all, they wanted to donate to charities. A cause I am very passionate about. I volunteer for Gynca. An organization that assists women surviving gynecological cancers. Compassion is always the best trait to have.

     It seems like we all spend our free time with our families. May it be a spouse, children, or friends. Jayla said that her greatest goal was to become a parent. She has been with her husband since she was 17. She has 2 kids. She definitely enjoys her family time. Electronics are also a good form of relaxation. Personally I am not an outdoor person but there are a lot of students who adore the outdoors.

     I think if this class were all to meet face to face there would be no silence. I feel like we would all connect based off what I have read. We all share hobbies, values, or compassion. I would personally love to see this take place. 

New Job Stress - Entry #5 Lesson 4

     Switching jobs can be the worst feeling. I became a stay at home mom in May of 2014. I was off work for 5 months. Not by choice but we made the best of it. I spent the summer with my 9 year old son. We had a blast. We didn't go anywhere but we just played and had fun. In late October of 2014, I was told that my old employer was hiring. I was excited that they could use me again. I truly like working there. I signed up to work 4 hours a day Monday thru Friday.

     This nonprofit organization I volunteer for asked me to stop by their office one day. I stopped by and they wanted to ask me if I would ever consider a paid job with them. I was in total shock. I was astonished they wanted me on their team. The pay and perks are out of this world. The flexibility is amazing. Of course I want to work here.

     The thing that is stressing me out is having to tell my current boss that I am quitting AGAIN! I hate to disappoint her and she has been so amazing to me. I know that this transition is the best thing for my family right now. We would benefit in so many ways. I would never have to put my son in daycare again. He hasn't been since May of 2014. I worked my hours out to only be there when he is in school.

     I hate change. I hate learning new things. I love consistency. I know I will succeed at this new job. I will do my best. I don’t think I am made to deal with the depressing side of the job. I do not deal well with death or crying. I am not an emotional person. I do have empathy for people but I am not able to put myself in their situation. I hope I just fit in and am not the new girl forever.

Test Anxiety - Entry #4 Lesson 4

I have severe test anxiety. When I have to sit down and take a test, I immediately blank out on the subject. I go through these moments where I am convinced I know the answer but it won’t come to mind. It gives me a feeling of Alzheimer’s. I forget the name but I can remember where I saw it or what it looked like. I also tend to second guess my answers. I will be sure it is A but then my mind says “no, change it to C”. I also get confused with the wording of the question. Sometimes it reads like a certain term but then there is a point where it could be a completely different answer. I can score well on assignments and training. Then it is test time and I freeze. Frozen with sweaty palms and an upset stomach. I start to feel nauseous and I lose all faith in what I have learned. I feel like I need to develop a relaxation technique. Maybe figure out the triggers of the anxiety. Is it the quiet? Is it sitting in a room of strangers? Being watched while I struggle? Sometimes I get to the point where I am trying so hard to concentrate that I start to fidget. I also can’t eat breakfast because it makes me nauseous. If I don’t eat breakfast, then I get shaky. I also have a class where in 1 week we went over 4 chapters and the next week we went over 2 chapters. That is a lot of information to cram into such a short period. There is no way I will be able to remember all of that information. I still have 2 weeks until my proctored exam in that class. Oh what to do….

My Personal Credo - Prewriting Assignment 4.2

     I believe in hard work. I believe you should always try your hardest. Whether it is in your own life, at your place of employment, in your family, or in the community. I grew up where hard work was not instilled in my upbringing. I witnessed family work until they could collect unemployment. They would work the system.

     I believe in working as hard as I can. If you work hard then you play hard. I don’t think you should benefit if you don’t put in the effort. Even if I don’t get rewarded for my effort, I still stick to my beliefs. It is hard to work with fellow employees who don’t share this belief.

     I work as hard for my employer as if I would want my employees to work hard for me. I don’t expect a paycheck for goofing off or cutting corners. I would expect a cut in pay for me not performing my best.

Office Fundraiser - Entry #3 Lesson 4

     Today at work, we had a fundraiser to collect donations for Officer Pearson and his family. The fundraiser included Chili with all the fixings, drinks, and desserts. There was a minimum $1 donation required to eat. Some people donated as much as $1000 each. It was a nice social event to raise money for an officer shot while on duty.

     This fundraiser got me thinking. We raise money for people making front page news. All around Springfield, businesses are collecting donations for this one family. What about the other officers that have been hurt? Where was their celebration and party? How are their families coping with their lives when an on the job tragedy affected them? In order to get funds raised or help during this hard time, is it all in who you know?

          I have heard that the city of Springfield's workers' compensation plan is paying Officer Pearson's salary and medical bills, but the money raised by the community will be used for long-term care and support for the family. He will need future medical treatment. They also said that he will never be an active duty police officer again due to the brain injury he sustained from the gunshot to the face.

     I do understand he has a 3 year old and an 8 month old child. His wife will have to take care of him and the 2 children. I am all for helping others in my community. I just wish that we would spread the support for families of tragedies. Make a fund set up for families and assist them in their time of need. Maybe make it feel like it is more fair and that one event is not more important than another’s. Encourage families to “be a good neighbor”. I just hope we help more people and not just the front page news stories.

My Son's Birthdays - Entry #2 Lesson 4

     I have a 9 year old son. He will turn 10 on May 17^th. I have always had extravagant birthday parties. For the 1^st birthday we had a family party at his grandmother’s house. Since it was his 1^st birthday, we mainly had a family reunion type setting. He did open presents but when they are that young they do not really know what is happening. The look in his face when he unwrapped gifts was truly a memory. His 1^st birthday present, he didn’t know what was happening. He was shocked that he was able to rip the paper off to reveal a new toy. It only got better with age. As we moved onto his 2^nd birthday, we had that party at Chuck E Cheese. Like all young kids, people dressed up in costumes with big heads is startling. He was so frightened. We had to keep Chuckie at the end of the table.

     It did get better for his 3^rd party. The Discovery Center Downtown is an imaginative place for a young mind to get lost in. he spent so much time exploring. It was a new experience much like the wrapping paper. Seeing the look in his eyes when he discovered something new was memorable. His 4^th birthday was at Incredible Pizza Co. None of the kids in our party were pizza eaters, so most of the party was spent in the arcade. Kids and lighted games is a perfect combination. They spent awhile in the arcade. That gave me the idea for the 5^th party. The fire station was able to let the kids play on a fire truck and had the lights going. When those lights came on it was silent. The kids just froze. I wished I could take that lighting effect home.

     Xephirr wanted to begin the next phase of children birthday parties. The 6^th birthday was held at The O.C. in Ozark, MO. We rented out a party room and had the indoor pool. Those kids did not want to get out of the water. They are fearless at that age. They would jump into the deep end and go down the slide. For his 7^th birthday we rented out the 160 Go Kart Track in Nixa, MO. At this age the children are not tall enough to drive or ride alone. That worked out for me. I could drive fast. I had the wind in my hair. It was such a trill. It was so freeing to be able to feel like a kid again. For Xephirr’s 8^th birthday, we rented the room at Chesterfield Family Center. We spent time in the room playing games and then the time hit. POOL TIME! The kids were sliding down the stairs and running to get to that pool. All I heard was “I’m first on the slide”. They each got to take home a power squirted water gun.

     The last birthday we celebrated was the last single digit, his 9^th birthday. We kept that one small. We surprised him at home with full decorations, his favorite cousin, and an ice cream cake. The cake had a dump truck on the. He was so shocked! I felt like we truly surprised him. I love these memories. I plan the make the big 1-0 special. We are planning on taking a weekend trip to Kansas City, MO. He has been wanting to go to Legoland. I hope he remembers everything I have done to make his birthdays special. Even though they cost a lot, he deserved every penny. Those big smiles and bright eyes made it all worth it.

My Vacuum - Entry #1 Lesson 4

     I was vacuuming my house one day. The vacuum started to make this burning smell and started to screech. I turned off the vacuum to investigate. I had just cleaned the filters and emptied the bag less dust cup. I thought maybe there was some hair wrapped around the roller. There was a lot of hair. It looked like I swept up a cat. My hair is almost waist length and it falls out all the time. The vacuum was officially broken. I had to get a new one. I remembered I had Walmart's Savings Catcher. I had built up enough to buy a new vacuum. I went on walmart.com and found my new vacuum. It was $129.94 but was on sale for $79.94. I then applied the free shipping and my savings catcher. My out of pocket went down to $15.35. I was in awe that I could get my new vacuum that cheap.

     I waited for the amount to be debited from my checking account. Days went by, and then a week. Then I was informed that the vacuum was on back order. I found the same vacuum in store so I cancelled the order. As soon as I cancelled the order, it shipped. I waited 2 long days for it to come from Texas. I kept checking with the Fedex Tracking option on their website. It felt like it was in transit for longer than 2 days. I checked it one last time. It had been delivered. I had a vacuum. The only problem was that it was delivered at my house and I was at work. The Fedex driver left this brand new vacuum in the original vacuum box on my front porch. There was nothing to tell thieves that it was not a vacuum. I had such anxiety thinking about my vacuum being stolen. I had waited so long and I didn't want it to be stolen. I arrived home to find it still there. 

     I promptly ripped open the box like it was Christmas morning. I was throwing plastic wrap in the air. I assembled the vacuum cleaner. I plugged it in. The power of the vacuum was music to my ears. The whirl of the motor and the fresh smell of the Febreeze filter it came with. I had no vacuum for almost three weeks. The dust, hair, and dirt that it inhaled was astonishing. I felt so delighted to have clean carpets again. Clean and fresh smelling once more.