My Reflections - 7.1 Fluency Journal Reflection

       I have personally never had a blog before. I didn't realize that this blog was harder to do than I thought. I think about stuff daily and a lot of it could be a writing topic. When I sit down to write my blog though, I draw a blank. I forget how to articulate my words into something that someone would want to read. I feel like I have to keep the reader’s interest. I have to keep their attention long enough for them to think this has to get better.

     I did write a lot about my son. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn't really get to experience his childhood with him. He did live with me, but I worked a lot to support us. I felt like I didn't get to do a lot with him because I was always exhausted from working too much. I feel like he was cheated out of spending that quality time with me.

     Now we are in a better place and I am doing as much with him as possible. When I write about him I think of our next adventure we can experience. That has to be the best part of this process. Expanding my thought process and giving me the freedom to share my new experiences. Experiences I now know how to express correctly.

     I did enjoy this assignment process. I liked how it was a continuous assignment. I was accountable for a lengthy process for posting my blogs and how in-depth my thought process could get. I do recommend that if you struggle with writing to start a blog. It is writing freedom. You choose the topics. You choose the content. You also get to choose the frequency of your posts. It would have been nice to receive feedback or comments on my blog posts. It would allow me to interact with my audience, if there is one.

Snow Days! - Entry # 14 Lesson 4

     Taking a snow day at work is hard for me. I dread the phone call to tell my boss that I am unable to come into work due to the public schools cancelling. This comes after I took off work due to school being closed on a Friday, the weekend, & then Monday due to President’s Day. Add those 2 snow days on and I have been off of work for almost a full week.

     When I was hired I told my boss that I did not have childcare. If my son were to be sick, have a day off of school, or if there was a snow day then I would not be into the office at all on those days. Well the snow days approached us and I called the boss and heard the disappointment. I hate when I am made to feel guilty for taking time off due to having to care for my child.

     I would definitely take my son to work with me. He loves going to work with me. My boss however does not like children in the office anymore. He is self-sufficient and entertains himself. I know it would be for 4 hours but if they really want me to come to work, that is really my only option right now.

     It is hard to balance having a child and trying to work when you are the sole care giver for them. He has other family members to care for him but if it involves someone having to take off work, I am the one to miss work. I know it is not fair to my employer, however I told them the day I was hired. I just hope that they don’t change their mind about me working there. It is an easy job and only working 4 hours a day allows me to be a full-time student.

My 1st Snowman With My Son - Entry #13 Lesson 4

     I built my first snowman with my son. We put on our thickest sweat pants, hats, & coats. We put our snow boots on and came up with a game plan. We had bought a snowman kit at Target for $4.48. It came with a carrot, hats, and buttons. It also had 3 tubes of dye to make it a very colorful snowman! It definitely made it colorful. The only thing it was missing was arms. There were no twigs for arms.

     I tried to break limbs off of a tree. Apparently I am not that strong. Those limbs were very attached to that tree. The only thing I could find that would work for arms were tongs. Yes, we used kitchen tongs for the arms of our snowman.

     I rarely get to have childhood fun with my son. In that I mean that we do more grown up activities. There are many activities that my son does that I have not done. I have never really rode my own bike. I don’t shoot a bow and arrow. I don’t play sports. My son does all of these. It can be hard to relate to him when I feel like I want to do what he can do.

     When I was a kid, I was watching my 4 younger sisters and never really had a childhood. I always wanted to do the things my friends were doing. They got to ride bikes, roller skate, & play sports. I was stuck inside babysitting. I didn't feel like I was a kid, I felt like a parent.

     I will definitely try to do more activities geared toward my son’s age group. It felt like I was getting my childhood back. It was like I was 9 years old out there building a snowman. I am so glad that we had that opportunity to build that snowman. We laughed so hard and it made me so happy.

My Sunday Son - Post #12 Lesson 4

     I always love every other Sunday afternoon. That is the day of I get my son back from visiting his father. When I open that car door, I get the biggest eyes and smile. My son screams his excitement to see me again after a couple of days.

     I hate the days when he is away, but the look when he sees me again is worth the wait. I love those days because that is when I get the biggest hugs and kisses. He also gets so excited when he tries to cram 3 days’ worth of stories in about 10 minutes. He literally does not breathe when he is talking.

I know I will miss the days when my son gets that excited. I have heard of the dreaded teenage years.      I am not looking forward to that. A long period where the parents are always wrong and not cool anymore. I like it now when my son holds my hand when we walk through a parking lot. When he kisses me on the cheek at night and tells me that he loves me. I will definitely miss these days.

     My boyfriend says I need to let him go so he can go into a young man. I am not too convinced that this is a great idea. A mother never wants to be told that it is time to let her baby grow up. I will let him gradually gain his freedom from me but he can’t do it too fast. He can slowly wean me off from being his overprotective mother.

     Every day I love him more and more. I see myself in him more every day. He makes me so proud to be his mom. I wouldn't change this for anything. Even on those days I might pull my hair out.

Valentine's Date - Entry #11 Lesson 4

     Today, I went to go get a rick of wood. Not a lot of people know what a rick of wood is. According to Google it is “A full cord is a stack of wood 4 feet tall, 8 feet wide and 4 feet deep (128 cubic feet).” I have back, shoulder, and neck problems. I really wanted to help my boyfriend because he had been working 16 hour days and sleeping just a few hours.

     When we pulled up to the gate there were 2 big dogs. I am terrified of any size of dogs. I stayed outside of the gate while my boyfriend tossed the wood over the fence. I envisioned the chunks of wood bouncing up and hitting me in the jaw. Then me losing a few teeth. I always find the downside of everything.

     After we got all the wood loaded onto the trailer, we had to drive all the way back home. Then we had to unload the full trailer of wood. What would anyone need after doing all of that manual labor, a nap? I love naps.

     Then after all that, my boyfriend took me to get macaroons. I was so excited because I had been talking about this for weeks.  The macaroons melted in your mouth. They were truly delightful.

     Now it was time for dinner. We should have made reservations due to everyone was celebrating Valentine’s Day that night. The wait wasn't too long. After all of that, we went home and fell asleep again. Even though we are only in our early 30’s, we act like we are a part of the elderly community.

     Sometimes it isn't what you do together, it is just the fact that you are doing something together. I don’t need flashy dinners or jewelry. I just need the love of the man that I love. That is exactly what I have and I couldn't be happier.

Separation Anxiety - Entry #10 Lesson 4

     I grew up in a big family. I was the second girl of 6 girls. We ranged from age newborn to 10 years old. 6 girls in one house sometimes with one bathroom. Don’t even try to imagine that because it was so much worse than you can imagine.

     My older sister is 362 days older than me. There is less than a year in between us. She is the only sister I still talk to. I talk to her at least once a week. My 9 year old son and her 5 year old son act like brothers when they are together. They have so much fun playing.

     My sister will ask me to do something so I will go out of my way to do it. Then at the last minute, she will change her mind completely. Then I will have to go out of my way to do something else for her. It hasn't just happened once. It happens a lot.

     I have gone out of my way to make arrangements to pick up her son to watch him. At the last minute she will have someone else watch him and my son is left just as confused as I am. Why can’t I pick up her son? Why does she think he is going to get hurt in my care? Her son loves hanging out with me. We have a blast.

     The few, and I mean few, times I have watched my nephew were times when she would call every 20 minutes wanting a status update on him. Has he eaten? Has he peed? Has he been wanting her? Yes, I do feed children. I do allow them to go to the bathroom. No, he has not been wanting you because he is wrapped up in the fun we are having he doesn't miss you.

     I think that is what she is scared of. The fact that he doesn't want, need, or miss her when I am around. I guess it might be separation anxiety. She allows him to still sleep in her bed. At 5 years old, he is still sleeping with his mother. He is going to have separation anxiety also. 

Valentine's Party - Entry #9 Lesson 4

     Today, I celebrated Valentine’s Day with my 9 year old son at his class party. I surprised him with a box of chocolates. We ate a couple and they were not good at all. I hope he knows it is the thought that counts!

     He was so sad the day before because the girl he liked said she had a boyfriend already. He was in tears and claimed that his “life was ruined”. This was his first heartbreak. I tried to comfort him. I told him he was only 9 and there would be other girls that would love to be his boyfriend. Even though at 9 years old, the thought of him having a girlfriend terrifies me.

     We had so much fun at the party. We played many games. He made a monstrous ice cream sundae. Loaded full of chocolate fudge, fruit, and a very large cookie. As soon as I saw his sugar concoction I knew it was trouble. Half way through the sundae, I heard “my belly hurts!”

     He had passed out his valentine cards, gave his teacher her chocolates, and had a few laughs with his friends. I took pictures and watched him grow into a young man. No longer was he the little shy boy that thought that girls had cooties. He was daydreaming of having a girlfriend. Buying a girl a diamond ring. Wanting to marry this girl that wasn't available.

     A part of me thought I was losing my baby boy. I now had a kid that is almost a double digit in age. It seems like I have seen 10 years go by in a short moment. I would do anything to shrink him back to that shy little boy that called me “mommy” and snuggled up to me. I guess I will settle for him talking to me about his girl problems.