Assignment 3.3 - This I Believe Pre-writing - Freewrite

This I believe I will try to conquer my fears. I have the fear of water. I hate being around large areas of water. When I first started driving, I would keep a life jacket in my front seat for those times I went over a bridge and it collapsed and I would almost drown. That never happened. But what if. I can’t swim. I can’t float. I can’t open my eyes under water and I can’t hold my breath for more than 5 seconds! I get panic attacks when the water get up to my ribs in a pool. I am terrified of lakes. Probably because of that movie Lakehouse. Where that guy murdered people and made an underwater area where the people were posing. He would go and visit their corpses. I don’t want to end up like that. I hate lakes because of the dirt, fish, snakes, frogs, alligators, and feces in it. I don’t want to swim with fish poop. That is nasty. I feel like I have to bleach my skin if I went to a lake. I have been on a boat once. This boat was the size of a couch and I kept tightening my lifejacket so tight. It was not coming off. I felt so nauseous any time that boat would rock. Never again! The fear of tipping over. Drowning. Possibly drowning. With fish poop water in my throat. Imagine the diseases I could get from fish poop water. I might die. I definitely don’t want someone to give me CPR. What if they had cold sores and it got transmitted to me. I have never had one and I don’t intend to get them through CPR. I avoid lakes so I don’t have to deal with this ongoing fear. It is paralyzing when I get to a lake. I feel like there is no escape. What if I came across a floater? Some bloated dead body that had been in the water for a long time. That smell. Those nasty eyes. That wrinkly water raisin skin. I would have nightmares for life. What is my nightmares turned into night terrors? I can’t deal with that. Do they ever scrape the bottom of the lake to make sure there are no dead bodies there?

382 Words in 10 Minutes

Assignment 3.3 - This I Believe Pre-writing - List

I believe I am strong.
I believe I am a hard worker
I believe I am a good driver
I believe I am a good mother
I believe I can finish college
I believe I can finish this blog
I believe I can work harder
I believe I can study harder
I believe I can raise awareness for gynecological cancer
I believe I can make my business better
I believe I can apply my strong traits to anything i apply myself to
I believe I will not fail at school
I believe I will not let anything stop me from finishing college
I believe I will budget my time accordingly
I believe I will cut back on my sugar intake
I believe I will try to exercise more
I believe I can limit my TV watching
I believe I can limit my online gaming.
I believe I will take more trips
I believe I will try new experiences
I believe I will explore more
I believe I will spend more time with my son
I believe I will try to conquer my fears
I believe I will try to sew more
I believe I will focus on my hobbies
I believe  people are not always good
I believe people can hurt you
I believe some things i can not change
I believe some things will happen and some might not be good.
I believe one day I will understand some of my classes
I believe one day I will get better grades on my exams.
I believe one day I will not get anxiety when I take tests and second guess my answers
I believe I will stop looking at the clock and just go with the flow
I believe I will stop making everything a strict schedule

Typology and Writing

     I have never really thought about what type of writer I am. I have always completed my writing assignment and turned it in. I have never really enjoyed writing. I don’t write in a journal. I don’t have a desire to write. Sometimes when I write I get lost in the writing. Not lost in a good way. I get to a point and I feel stuck. I feel like I can’t make it through the assignment.     
     I received a 56% on Introvert. I do believe this score should be much higher. I am constantly wanting to be alone. I find being alone gives me the time to relax and just do what I want to do. I love sitting in the dark with a coffee, warm blanket, and a funny TV show. I rarely want to go out. In the winter, it is too cold. In the summer, it is too hot. I prefer being in my house than going to parties. I do attend 1 party a year. I put on my fanciest dress and heels. I spend hours at the Teal to Heal Ball. I go to this event because it helps women in the Ozarks surviving Gynecological Cancers. When I go to Baseball games, I find myself having panic attacks with all the people around me. My heart starts racing and I get sweaty palms. My hearing feels like everything echoes. It scares me sometimes.     
     I received a 50% on Sensing. I think this score is about right. I do get emotional when the situation has to do with me personally. I am not the kind of person to cry at movies. I do have a hard time when people around me are sad. I cannot relate to them. I tend to stay away from people suffering from loss of family or friend. I just don’t know what to say to people experiencing that loss. I was always taught to suffer in silence. To never show emotion in public. It is hard for me to communicate me feelings. I tend to bottle it all up until it explodes. It has been this way since I was a kid. I was never an emotional person.     
     I received a 38% in Thinking. I am not sure of what to think about this one. When I do get into the thinking process, my mind tends to wonder. I will be focused on something like government and I will end up on shoes. I have short term memory problems. I am not sure why I can’t remember things that were told to me several times. If I don’t write it down, I will never do it.     
     I received a 67% in Judging. I do believe this to be about right. I don’t necessarily judge other people. I am a harsh judge to myself. I feel like my best is never good enough. I feel like I should be like the girl next to me. Always looking her best and never failing. I do fail. When I fail, I feel destroyed. It takes a lot for me to get back up and try again.     
     I don’t think I have a bad perception of myself. I do wish I could improve as a writer. Expand my communication skills. Explore the possibilities of the unknown. I do think that if I write about my experiences it will help me break through to the next chapter of writing. I need to discover what will take me to the next level of writing. I need to get past being an introvert and judging myself and just be free. I think this test has made me discover who I am. I hope it will help me become who I want to be. What type of writer I can become.  

Here is a link to my Jung Typology Test:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/hr/JTypesResult.aspx?EI=-56&SN=50&TF=38&JP=67